stories

Today at lunch, a guy I've seen in the cafeteria but don't know by name was next to me dishing up soup. He turned to me mid-ladle to ask how I liked the skiing in Selva back in February, because he'd seen me and some others coming out of a ski goods shop wearing the (really nice) jackets the company gave us that are emblazoned with an arm-logo. It's pretty incredible that even foreign vacations are Observed here, and somehow word always gets back to you.

The population here is small enough that whatever you did last week was not anonymous, whether it was a road trip or a night out at a bar. The network of relatives, friends, and co-workers somehow manages to spread across the globe, so wherever you go, you'll meet someone you know, or at least their cousin or former schoolmate. For people who grew up here, it means that the witnesses of their youthful indiscretions, the relationship that may not have worked out as they wanted, or a different version of their personality once attempted are all still around you. You'll have to figure out how to reconcile your past since it's going to be part of your future. Even those who move away are still remembered years after they left, since the rest of their family is here and the reports continue to filter back.

Anytime I meet a new person, a friend's already got stories lined up about how they went fishing with them four years ago, or how he's the friend of someone else's boyfriend, or they met in Scouts. Sometimes it's all three. I think in the past six months I have not met a single person here that doesn't have some filament of a story already woven through my own corner of the society.

There are advantages and disadvantages to a society like this. In the US, most people have several chances at total reinvention- going to university, moving to a new city, starting a different job. The chances that there will be people from your past in the new place are slim, so you can claim to be whomever you want, and nobody needs question what you say. Whatever pieces of your past you are unhappy with can be conveniently forgotten in favor of your newly invented self.

I'm told that there is a certain feeling of that for those who come from a small town in the north to come to Reykjavík, but there's still going to be some cousin or sainted aunt that remembers something about your mom or what have you. It seems that this makes some people feel a bit trapped at times, but it also makes people more forgiving of those moments when you might have slipped up. Had a festive evening with co-workers? Everyone will still be in on Monday morning and working away as if nothing happened. Saw that guy you shouldn't have had the evening with three years ago downtown? Smile and nod and move on.

I do feel that this gives a greater understanding for the complexities of being human, and the multifaceted nature of everyone. I've seen more sides to most of my friends and coworkers here than I ever knew about in the US. I know about their children, the pet turtles, met grandparents and stayed in the apartments belonging to unknown relatives.

Of course, incorrect stories do circulate and there is such a thing as a bad reputation, but for the most part there is a more forgiving approach to the things people do that aren't always the smartest. I do feel like it's made me really think about the implications of many decisions, you really have to own your actions and take personal responsiblity in a way that's not so necessary when living among many thousands of others who are moving in and out quickly.

It also means when someone needs help, it's much harder to brush it off as someone else's responsibility. Icelanders often seem very proud of their independence, and it can be no coincidence that the most internationally famous novel from Iceland is entitled Independent People, but I don't think we are so independent here. It seems to be almost impossible to be truly, completely alone here, for better or for worse. Someone's always looking out.